Multiple Motherhood…

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I think I missed the memo.

My brother would say “It’s because you’re NEVER paying attention!” to which I say “Whatevs” but I think he might be right this time. You know the memo… The one that says you have to have multiple children. I know it’s out there based on the number of times I am asked when i’ll be having more… I definitely haven’t hit the recommended quota, i’m not sure what it is as I missed the memo, but I know it must be more than one as people are seriously perturbed by it and have made it their mission to let me know.

Questions like;
“Any more? She’s 10 now, that’s quite a big age gap”
“Only one, really? Don’t worry you’ll change your mind”
“Still only one? Come on man that’s not fair, she must be lonely”
I think you catch my drift.

Why am I made to feel I have to defend my decision to only have 1 child?

There’s barely enough space in the world as it is. Am I not helping out the general population, as well as the over-crowded school/transport/life system by only having 1 child?! And let’s not even mention the fact that i’m single… *Triple side-eye*

I don’t get as annoyed by it as I used to, mini-me is 10 now, I thought people would have stopped asking, but they’re still as inconsiderate as ever. I say inconsiderate, because to the best of my knowledge, I am actually able to produce further offspring should I choose to (it’s not gonna happen), but unfortunately mother nature isn’t as kind to everyone. There are some who through no fault of their own are unable to have multiple children, some can have none at all, but work colleague with three kids doesn’t consider this when asking and neither does 73 year old Mrs Davis your grandma’s friend and neither does smug married uni mate who’s on baby number 2.

Let us put the boot on the other foot – would it be acceptable for me, with my 1 child, to ask a mother of several and pregnant again, why she had so many children and was having yet another?  No – it wouldn’t and so, neither is it acceptable to quiz me on what is, after all my personal business.

Don’t get me wrong, i’ve nothing against Mothers of Multiple. I know and love some amazing Mothers of Multiple, but it isn’t for me. There are some people who thrive on having and looking after multiple children. Having child, after child, after child and are #winning at all of it! From the school run and extra curriculars, to uniform ironing and homework projects and breast milk expressing and birthday party throwing.

I. Am. Not. That. Person. I much prefer to do it all in the singular and I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about it. And. Most importantly. I. Only. Want. One. Child.

When did it become obligatory to heave a foetus about for 9 months on more than 1 occasion??

I know my limitations. I know that I will still enjoy my life and be balanced enough to enjoy my child. I know that I will not be that mother pulling her hair out because the children are competing for attention. I know that I will not be that mother secretly stashing wine in the desk at work. I know that I will not be that mother crying in a cupboard because the children are driving me crazy. I know that with one child, my crazy will stay safely locked away and the people in my head will remain, in my head.

I love mini-me. I would do anything for her. I do, do anything for her. I give her the best that I can give and love her unconditionally. I love time spent with her. And I love time spent without her. I love my life with my 1 child. Call me selfish if you like, but I’m happy and she’s happy and I am not apologising or explaining anything to anyone anymore.

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NB:  My mother thinks that these questions, which are a gross invasion of my privacy and nothing less than a verbal slap in the face, would be best answered with a physical slap to the face of the enquirer. #JustSaying Lol

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2 Responses
  • Neena
    November 2, 2016

    Absolutely spot on. I remember those pre – crazy days when I had one child and it was an automatic ‘when will you have another?’, and to add insult to injury ‘don’t you want to try for one of each?’. And all the women that choose not to or can’t have children that get it all the time as an extra slap to the face. I mean. People need to nicely mind their business and let people live and reproduce or not in the way they can handle. Hence me taking near ten years to venture forth again! I have had one alone and two close together and yes it is beneficial in lots of ways to have a sibling, but overall it’s inherently important to have a mother / parents that are happy and not quietly going insane? Parenting is overwhelming whichever amount of offspring you have so making the right choices for you is so key. Simply adore you and this piece and for verbalising what so many mothers experience daily.

    • Motherhood Reconstructed
      November 2, 2016

      Thank you for reading and commenting we couldn’t agree more. People really should mind their own business surely they have their own things to think about rather than other people’s reproduction!

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